I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
