I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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