from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
