he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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