I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
