just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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