I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
