alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize