after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
