he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
