Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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