Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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