I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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