Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
