at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
