the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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