I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize