my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
