Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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