I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
