Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
