Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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