is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
