I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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