I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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