You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.