Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.