sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.