mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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