She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
