Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it because I queefed?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
