Just fell off a train. Bad.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
