My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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