There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
