Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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