When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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