i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just cut my nipple shaving
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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