If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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