so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You're a waste of cheezeits
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
