Betty ford says i'm here all night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
