This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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