i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
