if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
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Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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