either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
