pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
