a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
