I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
