rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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