Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
