He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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