Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
