just come out here and I will go home with you...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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