I hate your face
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
