fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
