someone threw a dead crab at me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Found your dick twin last night
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
