I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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