if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
