Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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