so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
