My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
