I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
