Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
