Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
