What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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