I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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