I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
