I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
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