I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize