We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
