i permit you to call me
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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