ugly people sure do ruin things
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
