I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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