My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
