The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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