I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
organizing the empties. That sober.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
