haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
