wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
