So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
