i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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