also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
