my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
