I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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