Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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