I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
